did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
