hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
