Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
