YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
