I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
