How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just found puke in my bra..
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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