yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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