She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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