I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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