I wish my penis had an off switch
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
