Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
