Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
