He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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