I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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