i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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