Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
