Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
