dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
