soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You need Xanax blowdarts
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My feet surprised me
I currently don't understand fingers.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
