she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
