i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Farmville is her only friend.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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