Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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