Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
