It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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