***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
