I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
