I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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