I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
