I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
