Kiss
Puke
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
