I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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