i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
