i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I was not drunk enough for that final.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
