you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
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My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
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I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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