Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so let's talk penis.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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