Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
me + whiskey = a bad person
Randomize
