I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
