I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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