He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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