It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
