You're my little dorito
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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