Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It's just like the Real World with babies
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
