Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
And my parents said I crawled through the house
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
