Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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