He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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