my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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