do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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