READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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