sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
