Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
