he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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