Jerry, you need to find god
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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