mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
