I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
