I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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