Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
