I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
