i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
