I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
