what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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