so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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