Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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