She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dicks are not precious.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
