I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
